The problem is bigger than one little kitsune

I did something today that I don't normally do- in fact, something I've never done before. I gave money to a homeless person. Maybe it was the dog he had on a leash that patiently followed him as he shuffled back and forth across the drug store parking lot or maybe... no, if I'm being honest, it was the dog. I didn't do it just for the dog, however. The dog was only the catalyst. The man approached my roommate as she got into the car to ask for a dollar and she didn't have anything. He politely said thank you and shuffled away. My heart aches for the people on the people on the streets. It literally feels like someone putting a fist through my ribcage and I despair for them, but I never give them money. I have my reasons. I don't know what made today different, but I couldn't bear the thought of a man who had obviously earned the trust and patience of an innocent animal soul, and said animal going without a meal. The man asked for a dollar..four lousy quarters that maybe would have bought him a candy bar. It's not a lot and yet most people, myself included, would have said no or walked by as if the man didn't exist or was even a human being. I normally don't have any cash, but had my parking money for the next two weeks in console. We caught up the man and his dog and I gave it to him. I'd like to think that it made his day a little better when he opened up the folded bill and realized that it was a $5.00 and not the one dollar he asked for. It's so little though compared to what he really needed. I'm not a wealthy kitsune. I live from paycheck to paycheck and struggle to keep everything paid, but I can go to the bank and get another five dollars. I will, the Divine willing, have another paycheck at the end of the month. It's not a lot, but it will buy him and his dog a couple of burgers at the McDonalds or a can of cheap dog food and a little something for him. If he spends it on drugs or alcohol, five bucks isn't going to buy much of either. I hope I did the right thing because I couldn't look into their eyes and do nothing. I can't help them all; I can't even help a few with enough to make any real difference, and I hate myself for it. The problem is too large and too heavy for one little kitsune. It tears me up to see these people and so I avoid it. Selfish and hypocritical as it may be I would rather live in my ivory tower. I'm honest though if it makes any difference.

Today's end really underscores for me the fact that as a society and a nation, we can't even take care of the people in this country. We have no business going into another country trying to "fix" things. Of course, the current war (or any war for the matter) isn't about helping or fixing. War is a self-serving thing and helps no one. Let's fix the leaky pipes and peeling paint of our home before we go out and start redecorating our neighbors homes. Fuck the "Think locally, act globally" creed. I say "Think locally, ACT LOCALLY." If everyone just worried about their corner of the world, there might not be a need to act globally. I'm asking for the next to impossible. I know this. There is no infrastructure to help the poor, the transient, the mentally ill. Where the government fails, the people should step up, but the people don't care except to shudder and utter a prayer that it never happens to them. They forget that but for the grace of the Divine go they or as the property manager for my current den said, "When I see someone else, I see myself living another life experience." So perhaps this post has been an indulgence is self-pity or perhaps it's a cry in the dark. I don't know. I'm left without any answers today.

Sionnach an in-dispair-kitsune